i feel funny now. prelims have dawned upon everybody. and still no concentration. this feels really funny. i need to study. find a place to study. sch seems gd. only in the lib im afraid. not sure if its open tmr. i hold my doubts. church seems gd too. home is not very gd. too many distractions. stayed at home the whole of today. and have barely done sec4 ss. its miserable. i wasted the entire day today. wonderful.
if i go to sch. sure play soccer one. its nothing bad. not in any way. but. i go to sch more for playing den to study? there the problem lies. im really confused now. im scared of wasting my time. im scared of the papers coming up and i will only score my Bs. its really scary. my parents are overly-worried about me. and im becoming increasingly frustrated with myself and them. about my inability to focus on the task at hand despite time becoming so precious. i doubt my ability to do well for my prelims. perhaps achieve a mediocre score. those who know me well enough often tell me i have the potential to go far. i think so too. but. im not living up to my potential in any way. more of... wasting it. in how im living my life and stuff. but is studies really that impt in life? shouldnt other stuff be more... in piority. guess i shouldnt meddle with these thoughts for now. leave them. in a hole.
pragmatism. meritocracy. forward-looking. fairness. transparency.
govt policies. wow. sound so refined.
u think a lot when u study. or when u break from studying. i reckon i think too much. i reckon there is too much hate. too much of vengance inside me. i need a hole to let it out. sort of vent. and it seems. nothing can provide that right now.
[im being morbid again i know]
i want to be able to truly smile again.
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